Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
