I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
