you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
