This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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