if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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