I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I looked at my own cervix.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
