I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
