Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
3 2 1 whiskey
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
