the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
