Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
