thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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