Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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