You can't special order awesome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
