i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
