she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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