1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
