i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
accomplished twins. life is a go
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
