Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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