I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
