Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (1138) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  hell yes lets make some ravioli

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  (949): hell yes lets make some ravioli http://tfl.nu/0xmr
  Replies (9) Good night (2416) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  um, yeah. i think it is.

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  (252): is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"? (513): um, yeah. i think it is. http://tfl.nu/omaw
  Replies (12) Good night (2552) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!

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  (404): Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food! http://tfl.nu/vzr5
  Replies (26) Good night (7720) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Hawaiian shirts and no dignity

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.

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  (908): Hawaiian shirts and no dignity (1-908): We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie. http://tfl.nu/mjtt
  Replies (6) Good night (2498) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement

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  (515): so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement http://tfl.nu/2t2h
  Replies (6) Good night (645) Bad night (3545)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying

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  (502): we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying http://tfl.nu/sr7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1757) Bad night (2278)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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  (815): Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime". http://tfl.nu/6eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2387) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese

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  (215): she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese http://tfl.nu/9mra
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (1769)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.

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  (239): He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish. http://tfl.nu/b945
  Replies (33) Good night (1102) Bad night (1924)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  did you know gatorade and rum go really good together

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Are you doing depressed science again

  (210): View more from Texas

  maybe

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  (210): did you know gatorade and rum go really good together (1-210): Are you doing depressed science again (210): maybe http://tfl.nu/zjts
  Replies (4) Good night (932) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  They have marijuana tests too!

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  (256): Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know. (256): They have marijuana tests too! http://tfl.nu/avoj
  Replies (9) Good night (1205) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!

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  (925): You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here! http://tfl.nu/pvgq
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".

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  (386): When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me". http://tfl.nu/x44y
  Replies (0) Good night (720) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.

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  (203): She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle. http://tfl.nu/9n9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (278)

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