i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"