And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
