So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
