Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (986) Bad night (3838)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  someone owes me an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): someone owes me an orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7wj
  Replies (17) Good night (1655) Bad night (3403)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad. http://tfl.nu/2doo
  Replies (31) Good night (653) Bad night (5398)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink http://tfl.nu/mfes
  Replies (14) Good night (1309) Bad night (4155)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1796) Bad night (4558)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please http://tfl.nu/2mvs
  Replies (26) Good night (5850) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4010) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (3393) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a
  Replies (6) Good night (3449) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her. http://tfl.nu/fi1h
  Replies (33) Good night (1833) Bad night (4297)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff
  Replies (14) Good night (2427) Bad night (1952)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!" http://tfl.nu/rhjr
  Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook." http://tfl.nu/v50o
  Replies (7) Good night (1818) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/f77x
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She didn't like my gingervitis joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go? (202): She didn't like my gingervitis joke http://tfl.nu/5820
  Replies (2) Good night (1111) Bad night (427)

Randomize