it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!