she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
