the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
