My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
