The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
