The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
