This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize