he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
