Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
