im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
