If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
