now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
