Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
