there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
