You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
