So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize