i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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