NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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