are you still at the devil's house?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
