I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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