The maid of honor just puked.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
