id be glad to
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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