I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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