for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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