Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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