Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
