i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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