He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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