So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
