Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
