if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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