I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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