Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
