I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
