you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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