this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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