i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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