I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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