drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize