Your tits are I can't wait for
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
