It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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