I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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