Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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