he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
this is an emotional support booty call
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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