It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize